For Mother Lore's 92nd birthday, the devotees in Dallas gifted to her a very beautiful, dainty glass swan. Their Gurudeva kept this little figurine beside his bed and would look at it often....so in a loving gesture they passed it on to his mother as a keepsake. A few days after Lore's birthday, we were talking about the nice party that she had and how much the devotees love her. I showed her the little glass swan, telling her that this belonged to her Tamala and was by his bedside in Dallas. She got very upset, saying that it should be returned, because no one should take anything without his permission. Without a word, I put the swan back in it's place on her dresser. She has no recollection of the loss of her son.
A mother loosing a son? That's not supposed to happen.
King Citraketu's Queen cursed the Creator as incompetent, for the untimely death of her son.
How does the news of that even fit inside a mother's head? The words are too big to fit into the ears. It's some strangely powerful, heavy language from another world that can't be comprehended. They're like a wrecking ball of words that pound again and again until the words crack a hole large enough for them to fit in. And then....they split you apart and break your heart..
It's been discussed, that Lore's forgetful condition may be a blessing for her. She doesn't remember the loss, and can have the hope of seeing her son again one day.
***
It would seem, that something kept by a bedside has a very special place in someone's heart. A memento, a keepsake...a reminder? What does a swan mean to a devotee?
Srila Prabhupada is often referred to as 'swanlike'....the topmost paramahamsa who is eternally diving in the water of spiritual bliss at the Lord's lotus feet. The swan could be a reminder of our Srila Prabhupada who dedicated his life for the benefit of others.
Many times , Srila Prabhupada has referred to this Krsna consciousness movement as a place for the swanlike members of society to come together and the crowlike men of materialistic society will not be interested. Birds of a feather will flock together. Where the crow goes, the swans do not.
As the swan has a special ability to separate milk from water, the swan can remind us to take the spiritual essence from this material world. To see the spirit spark within every living entity as a part and parcel of the Lord and the workings of the Supreme in everything and everywhere.
When I first came to live with Lore, I was observing the workings of her mind, how things could go wrong and get confused. I began to think of the prayers by King Kuleshekara and the words..."the swan of my mind, the swan of my mind" began to play over and over again in my head. I even thought that I would title these caregiver notes as the 'Swan of my Mind' and began to collect notes in a folder by that name.. This was last summer...
....and then the dainty little swan showed up at the the birthday party. I got a chill and thought.."This is the 'swan of my mind'..."
This beautiful glass swan reminds me of that very famous prayer by King Kuleshekhara...
Srila Prabhupada writes....
In his Mukunda-mālā-stotra, King Kulaśekhara states:
kṛṣṇa tvadīya-padapaṅkaja-pañjarāntam
adyaiva me viśatu mānasa-rāja-haṁsaḥ
prāṇa-prayāṇa-samaye kapha-vāta-pittaiḥ
kaṇṭhāvarodhana-vidhau smaraṇaṁ kutas te
adyaiva me viśatu mānasa-rāja-haṁsaḥ
prāṇa-prayāṇa-samaye kapha-vāta-pittaiḥ
kaṇṭhāvarodhana-vidhau smaraṇaṁ kutas te
“My dear Kṛṣṇa, please help me die immediately so that the swan of my mind may be encircled by the stem of Your lotus feet. Otherwise at the time of my final breath, when my throat is choked up, how will it be possible for me to think of You?” The swan takes great pleasure in diving within water and being encircled by the stem of the lotus flower. This entanglement is sporting joy. If, in our healthy condition, we think of the lotus feet of the Lord and die, it is most fortunate. In old age, at the time of death, the throat sometimes becomes choked with mucus or blocked by air. At such a time the sound vibration of Hare Kṛṣṇa, the mahā-mantra, may not come out. Thus one may forget Kṛṣṇa. Of course, those who are strong in Kṛṣṇa consciousness cannot possibly forget Kṛṣṇa at any stage because they are accustomed to chanting the Hare Kṛṣṇa mantra, especially when there is a signal from death.
SB 4.28.15
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