The other day Lore came out of her bedroom moving at a pretty fast pace....for her. I could hear her coming from where I was in the next room.... her cane making a bump sound on the wood floor at each step. I came to the doorway of the hallway, curious by her hurry.
What is she so excited about?
Without a word, she grabbed my hand from where I stood and continued on down the hall pulling me behind her. She led me into my bedroom and looked around, like a frantic bird looking for a place to land.
I tried to see if she was hurt or injured and needed help.
She spotted the empty table at the foot of my bed and let go of my hand. Then took some things out of the same hand that was holding the cane and laid them on the table.
"Here." she said.
A peacock feather.....some pink rose petals....and the pippal leaf.
I didn't know quite what to make of all of this. Was it a right thing or a wrong thing? So I paused... waiting for a cue. I didn't want to say the wrong thing. So after a few seconds of silence.... I cautiously offered a comment. "Oh, look what you have. That's so nice."
"Yup" was her answer.
I could tell I was on the right track. It was an 'Important Thing'.
I admired each item and we talked about them. The beauty of the peacock feather and how soft it was against her cheek. The pretty rose petals and where they came from....a garland that a devotee had given her. And the pippal leaf.....remember we got that when we went to the temple last week?
Just last night, Lore was looking at the trio of precious items on her bedside table and said that she should send them to her mother..."They're nice enough. She would like them." she said.
I agreed.......of course her mother passed away many many years ago.
Sometimes Lore communicates to me with one word signals, a wave of her hand, or a clucking sound to get my attention. Pointing gestures to indicate... 'Is my hair ok?' I look ok? Me come there?' replace the actual words.
***
No one wants to be ignored. Everyone wants to feel like what they share is valuable and of some interest. It's how a child's confidence and self esteem grows. The need to validate one's self worth and be recognized as having a useful place in society doesn't go away when we get older. It's a healthy sign to feel like we would like to contribute and that our contribution is appreciated.
When we were younger, our self worth was validated by becoming independent. The child is proud of their accomplishments.... Now I can walk by myself. Now I can dress myself. Now I can read by myself. Now I can ride a bicycle by myself. Now I can drive a car and earn my own money to live the way that I want to live. Growing up means becoming independent.
Growing old means becoming dependent. Can't walk by myself. Need help getting dressed. The words don't make sense when I read. The bicycle is now a 3 wheeled walker. Even when I walk, standing on one foot for that instant is precarious, so now my feet don't even leave the floor....it's the senior shuffle. Can't drive anymore, my drivers license got taken away.
'Useful' for some of our elderly, has been replaced by unnecessary and a nuisance. Our modern society has made a 'god' of autonomy that has conspired by indifference and neglect to abandon and even kill some of our elderly. It's an oppressive ideal that we have to help liberate the elderly from. We have to be the ones to make that change and redeem our times. Only then, can we be liberated from this old idea ourselves.
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