#23 It's Not What You Say

You've heard that saying, right?  'It's not what you say but how you say it' ?

Well, they got the first part all wrong.  Here, in our world , it goes...."it's what you say and how you say it."

I'm not a caregiver...I'm her friend.

I don't help or assist...we do it together.

I don't help her walk...I come with her.

We don't go out in the wheelchair...we go for a ride .

Instead of 'do you need help doing this?' it's....I'll be here with you for this.

My response that works today, may not be the right answer tomorrow.

An eye roll of frustration from me, could be detected and may demand an explanation.

Whatever she's asking, should be treated as important, no matter how many times.

It's important for one who is dependent to retain their sense of dignity, especially for such a strong willed, independent person such as Lore. I have to be careful of 'hovering' and appearing 'too helpful'. 

Consider the aging person, who is faced with the painful realization that their needs are changing. Consider their fear of loss of self worth, confidence, and personal independence. The ability to walk unattended may be gone, everyday tasks now become labored or impossible, and the need to depend on another becomes a reality. A deep feeling of frustration may set in. Forgetfulness can cause familiar surroundings to suddenly become strange and cause fearful anxiety or panic attacks. 

"Which way is the bathroom? Where is my bed? I thought I was alone in the house! Where is my handbag? Is this where I live?"

Does packing the added stuff of wheelchairs, walkers or canes  in the car, to go for a simple trip to the store seem to be a burden? Remember, this is a parent who once lugged a diaper bag on her shoulder with extra bottles, extra clothes, and snacks,  with a stroller to load in the car, carrying a child on her hip, legs dangling and tiny hands clenching a fistful of her shirt... just to get out the door. A chore then and a chore now...worth the effort, worth the love.

Step back and reflex on the dignity that is owed to our elderly. This could be your parent or mine. This could be a neighbor, friend, brother or sister. 

This could be you or me...  tomorrow or the next day or in the not so distant future.

The conditions of old age with it's frailities and dependencies are part of the given order of life....inescapable in their nature and a fundamental truth of the human condition. They can have a positive role in our fulfillment by deepening our awareness of our dependence on the Supreme Lord.

.